Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
