There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
