ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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