I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
