Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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