im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
