On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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