Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
