this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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