Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
