dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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