guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize