either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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