I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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