too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
