Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
