What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
