Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I love you. Go after that dick
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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