I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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