You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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