does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
