k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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