Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
