I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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