Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
