wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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