You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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