I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn