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How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
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