your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila