The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
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You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
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Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.