I think im going to throw up on grandma
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
