He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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