Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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