he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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