Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
