I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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