I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
