Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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