I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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