please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
