I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My cat gives me a boner
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
