puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
