operation harelip BJ is a go
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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