you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize