He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
