At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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