Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
