he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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