Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
