you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize