I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
