Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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