well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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