I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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