Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Your cock deserves a montage
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
