One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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