i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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