the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize